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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089917">Rules are Rules</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/birds89birds/pseuds/birds89birds'>birds89birds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vigilante Frat House [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Daredevil (TV), Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Venom (Movie 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chaos, Daredevil Driving, Gen, Team Red, story in a story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:01:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/birds89birds/pseuds/birds89birds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All rules have a reason to be made.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Brock &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Venom Symbiote, Matt Murdock &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Wade Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Vigilante Frat House [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>205</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rules are Rules</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>WARNINGS:</b> graphic injury of a minor, pain, large amounts of swearing, mentioned antisemites (specifically a character's family being Hydra, but he criticizes them)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know, I never heard the story about <em> why </em> Matt’s not allowed to drive.” Eddie poked at some pork.</p><p>“Uh,” Peter put down his orange chicken. “Echolocation doesn’t work in an enclosed metal space?”</p><p>“But how do you <em>explicitly </em>know that Matt’s not allowed to drive?”</p><p>“You want to know this? You <em> seriously </em> want to know this?”</p><p>
  <b>“Yes we do.”</b>
</p><p>“Don't say I didn't warn you.” Peter sighed. “Alright, so this is very early on in Team Red history, so I had <em> no fucking idea </em> Matt was blind.”</p>
<hr/><p>“I hate Spidey nights.” Deadpool announced, his severed <em> fucking </em> head glaring at them. Peter was <em> not </em> used to that shit at the time, so he shifted uncomfortably. “Your villains fucking <em> suck </em>.”</p><p>“Honestly man, I’d be offended, but I hate my villains too.”</p><p>“They <em> are </em> your villains.” Daredevil said. “It would make sense for you to hate them.”</p><p>“At least this one isn’t using hallucinogens again.” Peter perched himself on top of an old canister of some shit. Some bad shit, but Baby Peter didn’t know that then, did he? Baby Peter didn’t know jack fucking shit.</p>
<hr/><p>“Hey dude, no shitting on Baby Peter.”</p><p>
  <b>“He was trying his best.”</b>
</p><p>“Let me tell my fucking story, assholes.”</p><p>“Fine, fine.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Hey Red, can you read the label on this? I’ve got a bad angle.” Peter asked.</p><p>“No.” Daredevil said. “Read it yourself.”</p><p>Peter scoffed. “Rude, man, fine.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s alright.” Peter crawled down the canister. It said Sarin. Peter tried to remember what that was. “Are you dyslexic or something?”</p><p>“Something.” Sure was fucking <em> something </em>.</p><p>“So you can’t read well?” Deadpool asked.</p><p>“Not easily.”</p><p>“We’ll keep that in mind.” Deadpool wiggled his eyes in what looked like a nod. “What’s that?”</p><p>“Sarin?” Peter rubbed his head. “I don’t remember what it does.”</p><p>“Oh <em> shit </em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Why did you expect yourself to know what it does?”</p><p>“I’m a chemical nerd. I’m supposed to know chemicals.”</p><p>
  <b>“That is fair.”</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>“Deadpool?”</p><p>“That’s a fucking nerve agent. A fucking <em> deadly </em>nerve agent.”</p><p>“Right, uh. I don’t know if this’ll kill me? So I’m getting out.”</p><p>“Relax, just listen to what I tell you and eventually we’ll get around to the part where I grow back enough to do shit.” Deadpool said. “Speaking of which, what the <em> fuck </em> happened to my body?”</p><p>“You see the acid vat?” Peter asked.</p><p>“There’s an acid vat?!” Deadpool yelled.</p><p>“<em> Yeah </em>, there’s a fucking acid vat.” Daredevil groaned. “And they threw your body in there.”</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>“Your head was still attached, so Spidey cut it off and snuck the head away, because we didn’t know if you could grow back from complete dissolution.”</p><p>“I can, but it takes <em> way </em>longer than regrowing from my head.”</p><p>Daredevil did his weird nod-thing. It wasn’t quite a nod? Which Peter would know later was because he doesn’t really care about how his mannerisms looked, which, major power move. But at that time, it was just a weird nod.</p>
<hr/><p>“Matt <em> does </em> nod weirdly.” Eddie said.</p><p>“Yeah well, it’s Matt.”</p><p><b>“Fair assessment.” </b>Venom tried to steal Eddie’s rice, which got him a chopstick in the tendril. Venom hissed at him.</p><p>“Get your own fucking rice.”</p><p><b>“What about </b> <b> <em>we</em> </b> <b> Eddie?! What about </b> <b> <em>we</em> </b> <b>?!”</b></p><p>“<em> We </em> does not extend to Hao Rou rice. This shit is worth its weight in gold.”</p><p>
  <b>“It is only five dollars for three large cartons, Eddie, that is not worth its weight in gold.”</b>
</p><p>“It’s a saying, Venom.”</p><p>
  <b>“I hate humans.”</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>“Do you hear that ticking?” Daredevil asked.</p><p>“Um?” Peter asked.</p><p>“Check the canister for a timer.”</p><p>Peter crawled around. He hit something smooth. “Oh shit.”</p><p>“Oh shit?” Daredevil asked.</p><p>“We’ve got a minute.”</p><p>“Ok, babes, we gotta get the fuck out of here.” Deadpool announced. “Spides, you’re on driving duty, but first, get everyone out.”</p><p>“I- OK.” Peter ran, collecting the unconscious bodies. “Will they be safe if they’re out of the warehouse?”</p><p>“Yeah. Red, get my head, get out quickly. Itsy bitsy over here’s probably got better poison resistance than you.”</p><p>Daredevil nodded, grabbing Deadpool’s head and making a break for it.</p><p>Peter started throwing them out of the windows. Being very bruised was better than being dead. Good thinking, Baby Peter.</p><p>Peter was just done with the last one when Daredevil yelled. Something hissed, and that was when Peter knew he was in <em> deep </em> shit.</p><p>Peter got the hell out of fucking dodge, trying not to breathe.</p><p>Turns out, nerve gas works on skin. Who knew?</p><p>Peter gasped. This shit was definitely worse than Homecoming.</p><p>“Kid?!” Daredevil yelled.</p><p>“Don’t come in! I’m- I’m coming.” Peter gritted his teeth, and pushed himself towards the car.</p><p>“You are <em> not </em>fucking driving.” Deadpool said, giving him a once-over from where he was coated in seatbelts in the backseat. “Daredevil, our chariot awaits. Don’t touch the kid.”</p><p>Peter let out a small hissing noise in response.</p><p>“Ah, yep. Nerve gas’ll do that to you.” Deadpool said, sagely. “You got a place to take him, Red? This <em> is </em> your territory, even if it is a Spidey villain.”</p><p>“I know a place.” Daredevil rolled down the windows.</p><p>“Great! We need to get this shit off of him and soak it in a lot of water.” Daredevil slammed on the gas. “Holy shit, driving.”</p><p>Daredevil tilted his head again. “Yes, Deadpool, driving.”</p><p>The car swerved left.  “Holy <em> shit </em> you are a bad driver.”</p><p>“Oxime.” Peter gritted out.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Get me an oxime. Neutralizes the-” Peter’s muscles seized up. Damn, there goes Peter’s good tooth. Baby Peter didn’t know that his teeth would grow back if they got chipped or broken, so he was <em> very </em> upset. “Chemical.”</p><p>“Oh! I had an oxime when I was in the special forces! Do these expire?”</p><p>“N-” Peter’s muscles seized again.</p><p>“Great! I’ll try to get it out.” Deadpool got up on <em> hilariously </em> tiny legs.</p><p>“Get me- get me oxime, and I need to just let my-” Peter gasped again. Daredevil gripped the steering wheel harder.</p><p>Deadpool unbuckled himself, and tried to crawl on barely grown limbs towards his duffel.</p><p>That was when Daredevil made a hard right.</p>
<hr/><p>Eddie choked on his potsticker. “Is what I think happened going to happen?”</p><p>“You’ll know if you let me <em> tell the damn story </em>!”</p>
<hr/><p>Yeah, Deadpool, in his full tiny-limbed, unfortunately naked glory, went fucking flying. The screech he made as his body got unacquainted with gravity was inhuman, as was the loud “FUCK” coming from Daredevil’s general direction. Daredevil slammed on the brakes, grimacing at the screeching tires.</p><p>Peter just silently thanked everything he remembered to put on a seatbelt.</p><p>Daredevil slammed the door open, and sprinted down the sidewalk for Deadpool’s head and baby body.</p><p>Probably wasn’t hard to find him, with how loudly he was swearing. Peter could tell through his pain that Daredevil had found Deadpool because the swearing not only doubled in volume, but was punctuated with occasional offended Catholic noises.</p>
<hr/><p>“Catholic noises?”</p><p>“Matt’s fine with fuck or shit, but as soon as some sorry fucker says oh my god within his hearing distance, their ass is grass.”</p>
<hr/><p>Daredevil pitched Deadpool into the car, underhanded, obviously, and slammed the back door open to grab the oxime.</p><p>“Uh, which bottle is it?” Daredevil was using his ‘I am admitting a weakness’ voice again.</p><p>“The box of tablets that’s already opened.”</p><p>“I can work with that.” Daredevil said, grabbing a box. “How much should I give him?”</p><p>“Three tablets, he’s got an enhanced metabolism.” Daredevil nodded.</p><p>Peter held his hand out, trying to ignore his shakiness from the <em> pain </em>.</p><p>“Your hands are shaking too much kiddo. Daredevil’ll feed them to you, baby bird style.” Deadpool tried to air-pat his shoulder.</p><p>“Roll up your mask, please.”</p><p>“Don’t roll it back down, you might get the shit in your lungs and stuff. Your suit’s probably doing a lot to protect you.” Deadpool instructed. “Don’t touch your skin with your gloves, wait, the schmuck I stole this from has tissues in the front seat, feel free to use those.”</p><p>Normally, Peter would make some noise of protest at the mention of stealing a car, but hello, nerve agent.</p><p>Peter dutifully rolled up his mask, wincing at the burning of his skin. “Y-yep, another white boy.” He opened his mouth.</p><p>“Can’t tell the difference, honestly.” Daredevil put one of the tablets in Peter’s mouth. “Like a baby bird.”</p><p>“Chop chop! Spidey’s got a date with Red’s shower!”</p><p>Daredevil shoved the rest of the tablets in. “You’re not going to die, but we can still make this hurt less.”</p><p>Wow. Nice Daredevil. That shit was fucking <em> novel </em> to Baby Peter.</p><p>“T-thanks, man. M-means a lot.”</p><p>“Taking off the rest of your mask might make it better, only if you want to.” Deadpool nodded. “I’ll take off my mask if you do, we can have, like, solidarity.”</p><p>“I’ll- I’ll wait until we get to where Daredevil’s taking us.”</p><p>Daredevil got out of the backseat. “Buckle yourself back in, Deadpool, we got into this shit because you flew out of the fucking window.”</p><p>“Some of this shit was from assholes with nerve gas in New York fucking City.” Deadpool pointed out. “Now fucking <em> drive </em>!”</p><p>And they were off, again. Baby Peter, at the time, was amazed at how the man he had come to know as his mentor, and thus could not be bad at anything, was <em> such a bad driver </em>.</p>
<hr/><p>“How long did that hero worship last?”</p><p>“Until I saw him run into a stop sign, and try to punch it. Matt’s a bit of a disaster.”</p><p>“Maybe he thought it was a person?"</p><p>"He knew exactly what it was, he was angry at it."</p><p>
  <b>“What about Wade?”</b>
</p><p>“I had no delusions about what kind of person Deadpool was.”</p>
<hr/><p>About three heart attacks later, Daredevil managed to pull (crash) the car into an alley, sending a dumpster flying. Peter had stopped having full-body convulsions, only twitching occasionally, but shit still fucking <em> hurt </em>.</p><p>“Ok, you did not see this apartment, you did not hear this apartment, and this apartment sure as hell does not belong to me.” Daredevil warned them both, gravely.</p>
<hr/><p>“Wait, this is the <em> identity reveal </em> story too?!”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>
  <b>“Holy shit.”</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Daredevil’s apartment was depressing. He had, like, <em> one </em> thing on the wall, and there was that fucking <em> sign </em>that made it look like some sort of cyberpunk shit straight out of a YA dystopia author’s wet dream.</p><p>At least, according to Deadpool. Peter was busy being in fucking <em> pain </em>.</p><p>“Get in the shower, Deadpool, help me get some clothes that might remotely fit Spides.”</p><p>Daredevil’s bathroom was the most impeccably organized shit in existence, which, in hindsight, made sense. Still creeped the fuck out of Baby Peter.</p><p>“You decent?”</p><p>“Y-yes.”</p><p>“We gotta drop off your new clothes.” Deadpool opened the door. “Use all the fucking soap in the fucking bathroom, alright? Scrub that shit <em> out </em>. Make the water cold and shit. Also Daredevil asks you put everything back where you found it, guy’s got OCD or some shit.”</p><p>Peter nodded, turning on the shower, he grabbed a bottle of what looked like body wash. It had a weird label on it, raised- oh.</p>
<hr/><p>“Figured it out?”</p><p>“In my defense, I wasn’t super familiar with braille at the time.”</p>
<hr/><p>“HOLY SHIT!” Peter yelled. “ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!”</p><p>“N-NO!” Daredevil yelled. Yep. He was blind. So fucking blind. Holy shit. That explained so much.</p><p>Deadpool squealed. “Awesome! Do you- oh fuck, he’s panicking. Masks off, wait, would that make a difference?”</p><p>“No.” Daredevil sounded <em> scared </em>. Oh fuck, this was Peter’s fault. Peter tried turning off the shower, but got yelled at by two angry adults.</p><p>“Ok but, like, I understand 100% why you didn’t want us to know, because it’s <em> so </em> fucking easy to figure out who you are, not a lot of blind people with your description in Hell’s Kitchen. Ok, bad thing to say, I should say something else. I’m Wade Wilson, I’m from Regina, Saskatchewan, and I have been clean from murder for.” A pause. “Seven hours.”</p><p>Daredevil huffed out a laugh. “Matt, Matt Murdock.”</p><p>“Woah, you’re a lawyer, right?” Deadpool asked.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“No wonder you can’t fucking drive.”</p><p>“My name’s Peter Parker!” Peter yelled. “And I am 15!”</p><p>“A BABY!” Deadpool yelled.</p><p>“I- Ok?” Peter yelled back.</p>
<hr/><p>“He called you a baby?”</p><p>“In like, the way you’d call a cat a baby, but yeah.”</p><p>
  <b>“Once I figured out Wade is a very weird human, things got very easy.”</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Someone knocked on the wall. “I think you’ve been in there for long enough, Parker. Can I call you Parker? Nah, I’ll call you Itsy Bitsy.” That was Deadpool.</p><p>“Ok- I’ll- Yeah- Um, thanks.” Peter felt a <em> lot </em> better. Thank <em> you </em> healing factor. “Thank you for letting me borrow your shower, Red.”</p><p>“It’s no problem.”</p><p>“This shit evaporates quickly, so your suit will be fine.” Deadpool said, once Peter came out. “Oh my <em> god </em>, you have the best babyface in existence. I want to pinch your cheeks so bad, but I can’t reach them without giving you an eyeful.”</p><p>“Thanks?” Peter was thankful to see Deadpool had covered himself in a blanket. Daredevil had taken off his mask, and he looked like every mildly attractive adult white man ever, save the eyes. Usually, when Peter thought of blind people, he thought of the milky look to them, but Daredevil’s were just a plain hazel.</p><p>“Holy shit, we can totally do stakeouts. Blind man, his burn vic husband, and his cute kid.”</p><p>“You were burned?”</p><p>“Nope.” Deadpool ripped off his mask and <em>oh</em> <em>fuck </em>he was ugly. Damn, that was a mean thing to say, but Peter, particularly Baby Peter, wasn’t known for his impulse control. “You’re looking at 100% genetically modified origins right here.” He paused. “And cancer. There’s a lot of cancer involved in this episode of Making of a Murderer.”</p><p>“Your arms are disturbing to touch.” Daredevil said. “I hope I never have to pick you up again. And, it seems like you’re ugly.”</p><p>“How do you know I’m ugly?”</p><p>“The kid grimaced.”</p><p>“You can tell that much?”</p><p>“It smelled more like mint, which means he bared his teeth, and the kid doesn’t really smile with a lot of teeth.”</p><p>“Awesome. Anything you can’t tell?” Deadpool asked. “If Team Red’s gonna be a thing, we’re gonna need to know each other’s weaknesses.”</p><p>“I can’t read. Print. I can read braille a lot faster than you. Anything on a computer screen or two-dimensional is also a no. If someone writes on the paper hard enough, I can kind of tell what they wrote by running my finger over it, but it’s hard. Also, if my hearing gets harmed in any way, I’m fucked. Nothing beyond my senses is enhanced, but I can heal a little faster than average through meditation.”</p><p>“Cool, it takes a lot longer for me to restore bones than flesh, and I can’t walk for about 3 hours after I lose my legs, but I can crawl.” Deadpool made a noise. “And, I have a periodic roommate who’s blind. She’s awesome.”</p><p>“I get um, sick, occasionally. The thing that mutated me? Yeah, it was a mix between a retrovirus and radiation.” Peter noticed their blank looks, though did Daredevil normally look like that? Baby Peter had never met a blind person before, so he didn’t know. “There’s a virus, that is there, it’s just vibing, the radiation keeps it warm-”</p><p>“I noticed that.” Daredevil nodded. “How warm are you, on average?”</p><p>“102.4 degrees.” Peter wrung his hands together. “I can’t get cold, but I can get hot. Um, it makes me mutate? My powers aren’t always consistent, but usually what craps out is my endurance, or my strength decreases, which, um, isn’t really bad? Because most things I have to lift don’t weight 70 tons, which is the highest amount I’ve lifted in a lab.”</p><p>“Ok.” Daredevil got up. “Want some orange juice?”</p><p>Deadpool made excited claps, punctuated with loud yeses, almost knocking his blanket off, which would be <em> very bad </em> . Daredevil gave him a dirty look, and <em> oh boy </em> that was a significant look. Peter wondered if he used that look in court.</p><p>Daredevil sighed. “Usually it’s hidden behind my glasses, but yes.”</p><p>Oh fuck, he’d said that out loud.</p><p>“Um, I’d like some orange juice.” Daredevil handed him a glass. “Thank you, sir.”</p><p>“Call me Matt, please.”</p><p>“Ok, um, thank you Matt.”</p><p>Deadpool had wrapped his arms around his glass. “Wait, do I get Matt privileges?”</p><p>Matt gave him a look. “No, yes, fine.”</p><p>“Yay!” Deadpool wiggled his head around. “You can call me Wade, then! And Wade here needs a straw, because I can’t get this on my face without getting shit all over myself.”</p><p>Matt rolled his eyes, but dutifully got him a straw.</p><p>“Thanks, hot stuff. You know, you look even prettier with the mask off, I hope you know. I’d guess you do, because you have implied you can hear the blood rushing around, so you can probably tell when someone has the-”</p><p>“And that’s enough, there’s a minor right here. Capable minor who I respect, but still a minor who does <em> not </em> need to hear your miserable attempts at flirting.”</p><p>“I have been told my flirting is <em> amazing </em>.”</p><p>“By who, your mom?” Peter said, like a dumbass.</p><p>“She’s dead. Pretty sure my dad is too? But I don’t know.”</p><p>“Hey, me too!” Peter waved his arms. “Since we’re, uh, having a heart-to-heart or whatever.”</p><p>“Me too.” Matt drank his own glass of orange juice. “Murdered by the mob.”</p><p>Fuck it. “Evil nazi scientists who tried to be less evil and got killed by brainwashed nazi assassins.”</p><p>“No shit?” Wade asked.</p><p>“No shit.”</p>
<hr/><p>“Damn.”</p><p>“Yeah, I inherited their research for some fucked-up reason, and Hydra’s been trying to get at it for a while now.”</p><p>“Shit, man.”</p><p>“<em> Yeah </em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>Wade whistled. “Damn.”</p><p>“Blasphemy.” Matt said, because he was <em> serious </em> about the Catholic thing.</p><p>Oh, Baby Peter, if only you knew.</p><p>“I have no idea what happened to my parents, honestly. Author tried looking it up in a sleep deprived stupor and made himself cry, so I’m guessing it was something tragically sad.” Wade paused. “Oh, nope, they were angry crying because he couldn’t figure out what the fuck happened.”</p><p>“...What?”</p><p>“I dunno man, they’ve got mood issues.”</p><p>“I want what he’s on.” Peter pointed to Wade.</p><p>“You are <em> not </em> getting drugs.” They both said, because they were <em> boring </em>.</p>
<hr/><p>“So, yeah, past that, we got into some Team Red exclusive shit because we have no concept of a normal kind of trust.” Peter made jazz hands, <em> again </em>.</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>
  <b>“That was something.”</b>
</p><p>“Yeah, can you, uh, not mention that to Matt or Wade? They get all guilty-looking about the nerve gas thing. Really, I’ve been through worse since then.”</p><p>
  <b>“That is not a good thing.”</b>
</p><p>“My entire existence has never been a good thing, Venom. You get used to it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i wrote this over a total of 8 hours, you are very welcome</p><p>they usually say Peter got shot because they don't like advertising how strong peter is, but peter knows venom and eddie know how much damage peter can take, so he assumed the story was fair game</p><p>please yell at me on <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theoneswecouldnt">tumblr</a> i am sometimes funny.</p><p>oh please please please if you have funny road trip stories that you don't mind me borrowing send them at that blog via asks bc i need content for something 👉👈</p></blockquote></div></div>
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